the gift of life.

Today was my first Mother's Day as a mother. My daughter is not yet crying aloud or breathing on her own. I haven't touched her skin or seen her face, but the life inside of me is already my child, and I am already her mother. And yet today, even as I felt her little kicks inside of me, it was a hard day.

It seems there would be no reason for me to struggle with this day. I have an incredible mother who is healthy, strong, and wise. We have a solid relationship and she loves me so well. My two grandmothers are a huge part of my life. I see them and speak to them often and they have shaped my character. I spent part of today with my mother-in-law who has exhibited strength and dignity over the past year+ despite suffering an unimaginable loss. And to top it all off, Caleb & I are expecting our daughter's arrival in one short month.

We didn't struggle to get to this point. Graciously and as no result of our own merit, God blessed us with this child just 2 short months after we decided to "not prevent." And as if that was not enough, I have had an easy, I dare say enjoyable, pregnancy. I've remained healthy & to our knowledge, our child is healthy as well. Sometimes I'm terrified that things have gone so wonderfully... too wonderfully... and that something will go wrong. It is a daily challenge for me to trust in the Lord's sovereign design, a design that is out of my control, and to rest in hopefulness and shun anxiety from creeping into my life.

So here I am on this day, Mothers Day number one, with so much to rejoice over, and yet with a heavy heart. The reason is this: As easy as it is for me to count my blessings, it is just as easy for me to count the hardships faced by women and families whom I love. Just as this bump I carry is a reminder to me of this gift of life granted to our family, it is a reminder to so many of pain, emptiness, and strife.

I have learned in the past year that it is possible for pure joy and deep sorrow to coexist... that in life's most despairing moments we can also experience a renewed sense of hope. Though I've learned much of this through coping with the sudden loss of family, I have also learned it through carrying this child. I have come to realize that my responsibility is not only to carry the physical weight of a little human, but to also carry the weight of the gift that she is deep in my heart and to not take her life for granted. I am called not only to "rejoice with those who rejoice" but also to "mourn with those who mourn," knowing that so many women I love would give anything to have the back pain and swollen feet I experience if it meant they were carrying a child.

I wish I could take on the pain of my friends who are suffering from infertility, miscarriages, or the death of a newborn. But I cannot take this from them. What I can do is remember them before I complain, listen to them as they cry, and pray for them in their pain. And along with these things, I can remember each day of motherhood, no matter how difficult things get, to feel the full weight of this gift of life that has been entrusted to me, and to honor the Lord in being a mom.

So to my friend who lost her child in the womb last month...

To my friend I bumped into at the doctor, undergoing infertility treatments and struggling to understand why she can't get pregnant, years after a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage...

To my friend who cannot carry her husband's child due to medical reasons...

To my friend who spent exhaustive years of treatment and surgery until finally giving up on carrying a child...

To my friend who lost her son shortly after his birth...

To so many others who are aching or know the pain of the loss of a child...

Today I mourn with you, in hopes that tomorrow we will rejoice.

"Behold, I am making all things new...Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." - Rev. 21:5

little by little: a practical gardening post

I have to admit... our house is a wreck.

But, I'm finally starting to feel pretty good about our garden.

This year, I followed the 6 P's that my father-in-law George taught my husband Caleb when he was younger: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. And so far, it's working out. I hope that this post will inspire you and give you some practical ways to boost your harvest this year.

The most important thing I've learned in gardening is to not wait until the last minute. As a major procrastinator, this is tough for me to do, but it pays dividends in the gardening world (& in life) to prepare ahead of time. {See my last post on preparation & anticipation.}

If you don't have a place designated for your garden already, start there. Create a plan for your space, sketch your vision, and take some measurements. Then hit the hardware store to get what you need to build and purchase for your space.

This year, we moved into a new house & decided to do three raised beds in the sunniest spot in our backyard. If you're managing a larger space, look into a local landscape supply company for mediums like gravel (for good drainage in your beds), soil, compost, and mulch. You'll pay a much lower price, and if you don't have a truck of your own, many places will deliver it to you. Even with a delivery fee, you'll still make out well ahead of where you'd be purchasing bag after bag from the store.

Add hardscapes to your landscape as needed, using the plan that you create (more details below) as a guideline for what you need. Caleb helped me build a great trellis for my pole beans & squash, shown here:

Once your space is created, draft up a plan. This year, I created my own {self-titled} Planting Matrix. I relied heavily on my local co-op extension as a resource to create this personalized matrix. For the Piedmont region of the Carolinas, this guide by NC State is excellent: Central North Carolina Planting Calendarfor Annual Vegetables, Fruits, and Herbs. Using the data found here, I created an Excel spreadsheet with 2 tabs: Layout & Schedule.

LAYOUT: This is where your mind can dream & your creativity can flow. Pick a mix of vegetables, fruits, flowers, and herbs that sound delicious or beautiful to you and include these in your space. Arrange the plants within the space how you want them, taking into account things like amount of sunlight, where you'll add hardscape elements like trellises, and what time of year and how long each plant will remain in that space. Go ahead and make a plan for what you'll put into place after a plant is spent for the season.

{I added these dahlias for a pop of bright color & to attract beneficial insects. Marigolds are also useful for attracting friendly bugs, & their petals can be added to give salads a little citrus zing!}

I encourage you to use a digital method for drawing up your master plan. It's easy to change and move things around, print out a page for reference while planting, and a great way to share your ideas with others via Google docs or social media outlets.

{my personal garden bible - the layout matrix}

SCHEDULE: Pay attention to the days to maturity for the plants you've selected, and try to space out when you'll be reaping the harvest of different veggies & fruits. Not only will this cut down on having a surplus & waste from everything in your garden being ready at once, but it will allow you to keep grocery bills down and maintain a steady flow of produce out of your garden and into your home & mouth! Create a schedule ahead of time and stick to it as best you can, using guidelines for your region regarding the last frost and best conditions for seed germination for the variety of plants you choose. You may want to start some seeds indoors and transplant them outside when temperatures warm.

{Kale is very hardy & seeds can be planted directly into the ground. It will germinate even in cooler temps.}

{These poblano peppers were started indoors & transplanted to my raised beds once the weather warmed.}

Once your space is created (hardscapes in place), your soil is prepared (make sure you have good organic matter in your soil and go ahead & top it off with mulch), and you decide on your layout & schedule for planting, you've set yourself up for some major success and hopefully a bountiful harvest. Now get to planting!

preparation & anticipation.

Here in our city, the ice has melted & the sun has started to shine, at least more regularly than it has been. As the temperatures warm, people are emerging from their homes to enjoy the outdoors again after weeks of wet & cold gloominess. Daylight savings has ushered in a season of grilling after work and outdoor festivities with friends, and along with it has come the beginnings of my third trimester of pregnancy.

Early spring has come to be a time of preparation for me as I’ve gotten more interested and involved in gardening & having a yard to tend. It’s important to start making decisions and taking action long before the first seeds break the surface of the soil. Over the past few days, Caleb and I have been making big plans for our yard: taking down some trees to allow more sunshine through, starting construction on a compost bin, drawing up plans for our raised beds, and brainstorming what we’ll plant this season. Soon, I’ll start seeds indoors to move out to the beds so we can enjoy vegetables earlier in the summer, but to protect them from low temperatures that still loom. If we wait until the weather is just right to begin all of our projects, we won’t reap the benefits that we desire.

Yesterday as we were discussing placement for the garden beds in the backyard, I started to feel a sense of urgency. We have little time and much to do! We must tend the ground to make it ready for the advent of spring. We can’t wait for its arrival to start preparing…

This concept reminded me that the same is true for me as a mom. Of course I must prepare the nursery and have the necessary tools in place to care for Rynn (a crib, a carseat, diapers, itty bitty clothes). But what am I doing in my heart to prepare the way for this baby girl? How am I tending the soil of my spirit in anticipation of the blessing that’s about to be born?

Like the alarm going off the morning after we “spring” forward, this is a startling wake up call. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve done very little in preparation for embarking on what I know will be the most challenging but rewarding journey of my life. In a world where social media and the opinions of those around me demand that I make decisions on sleep habits and epidurals and breastfeeding, I’m left with little time for prayer and time in the Word to hear God’s opinions on parenting. I’m so busy taking care of the decisions that will impact my child physically that I have neglected to cultivate the aspect of me that will affect her most: my love.

So as I prepare the garden to nourish my little seeds, I’m resolving to prepare my heart for the little one who will be making her way into the world soon, relying on my care and attention and love to help her grow. May this spring be a reminder to us all to enjoy the moment, but to prepare and anticipate the joys and challenges of the season to come.

let's talk asexual.

Sorry, this post is not about my stance on 50 Shades of Grey. In fact, it's about bypassing reproductive organs and re-creating in other ways. If you're hoping for something juicy, read no further, but if you want some tips on how to boost the number of plants in your garden without having to buy more or wait for seeds to mature, read on.

Asexual propagation in plants is when you create {genetically identical} daughter plants using the vegetative parts of the plant (stems, leaves, roots) instead of the reproductive parts. It's growing a plant without a little seed. And one of the most popular (& successful) ways to do this is through stem cuttings.

Some benefits of stem cuttings are:
- Utilize plants you already have & love to create more.
- Get genetically identical plants to the parent plant you choose, so you know what to expect & can avoid disease or unfavorable traits.
- Skip the juvenile stages of plant growth & get a more mature daughter plant from the start.

Winter can be an especially good time to take stem cuttings, but you'll have to make sure they're protected from the weather. I built a miniature hoop house using a plastic tray, wire, and plastic to house my plants. You can build something even simpler, like putting a plastic bag over a flower pot or re-using soda bottles. The important thing is to create a warm, humid environment for the stem cuttings to take root. Make sure you make it easy to open up your closed, warm system every so often to allow ventilation & prevent your plants from getting any fungal diseases. You can see below that I'm using clothes pins to hold the plastic on the sides, so that I can undo them and let the flaps open for an hour or two a day to prevent poor ventilation.

Another essential to stem cuttings is using rooting hormone. Auxin is the hormone that enables plants to form adventitious roots. You can find rooting hormone at your local hardware store, usually in a powder form. Be sure to dip your cutting into the rooting hormone before placing it into your medium.

It's important that you choose a sterile medium that has good drainage. I recommend a 1:1 ratio of peat moss & perlite, based on what I've learned so far in my classes at NC State. Don't just go grabbing soil from the backyard, as this increases the chance for disease and, depending on the type of soil in your yard, may not give you optimal drainage that is determined by particle size.

Take cuttings 3-6" in length and minimize the amount of leaf area by removing the lower leaves and cutting some of the larger leaves in half. You want the plant to be photosynthesizing / respirating, but you don't want all the plant's energy being used up in the shoots of the plant. The important thing for these cuttings is that they use their energy to form roots. For this same reason, remove any flowers from the cutting, as these will suck up lots of energy.

Reference your local co-op resources for choosing the type of plant and timing for taking the stem cutting. And, of course, utilize literature from NC State's & Clemson's horticulture departments if you're a Carolina native. They are simply the best resources in our region.

Below you can see that I took stem cuttings of a Knock Out Rose and Jade plant. The jade plant I have is a cutting from my great-grandmother's original plant. I'm hoping to have a few successful cuttings that I can give to my mom, sister, aunt & cousin as a small, living family heirloom.

I'll keep you posted on how they turn out. Let me know any questions & reference this link below if you're interested in taking some stem cuttings at home. It's a great winter project to bring a little life indoors, and especially a fun activity for kids.

NC State Co-op Extension: Stem Cuttings

Plants are sexy.

why Ukraine?

This morning I woke up feeling really rough. I’ve had a cold for the last week+ and haven’t been getting any sleep. With the cold, I haven’t been exercising & my body can tell. I lack energy & I crave rest. I decided to go into work for half the day and take the afternoon off. On the way into the office, I stopped at Starbucks {because I have a gift card}, just to get through the morning with my eyes open. The line & the wait were absurd, I mean really, just ridiculous. But I waited because… I need my coffee, right?

ENTER: Perspective shift.

Earlier this week I finished the incredible podcast Serial, so now my morning commuter ears have turned to NPR. This morning was a story on the fighting in Ukraine that led into a story on the economic state of Russia. I became broken as they described the continuous shelling of peoples’ homes, the fleeing of families who were lucky enough to get on the few buses they could send to the area, and the townspeople who have chosen to stay and not flee, because the little they have is in their home, and outside of home, they have nothing. 

I began to weep in my car. I wept for people whose lives have been turned upside down, for mothers who have been separated from children and for men who have died for their freedom. I wept for the desperation of our world and the sin that leads mankind to destroy beauty and life. And I wept for the state of my own heart, comfortable in my home with heat and a bed, protected by a husband who falls asleep next to me at night safe and sound, spoiled by the blessings & indulgences that I’ve begun to consider necessities. 

I wept for Ukraine, and I wept for myself, because my fortitude of spirit is NOT like the spirit of Ukraine.

So… why Ukraine? Why am I writing about this nation here on my blog, a place where I post things that are personal and intimate to me? Why, if you follow me on any social media, do I sometimes post about the situations going on there? Why am I affected more by the death & destruction of this place in Eastern Europe more-so than other places around the world?

It's because 10 years ago, and again 9 years ago, I had my first perspective shift by the hand of Ukraine. Quite honestly, my time spent in Kiev and briefly in Odessa was more of a life shift, one in which I was forced to forever abandon the notion that the world existed for me and that families took care of each other like mine did and that countries created opportunities for youth like mine did. Here I encountered a people who viewed freedom as a new and precious and delicate treasure instead of as a right to which they were born into, a people who had just recently stood peacefully against corruption in the Orange Revolution to see to it that democracy got its chance.

And while these big ideas and general concepts drew me to this place, more intimately my answer to “why Ukraine?” is this:

Because the children of Ukraine are hurting and are thirsty for relationships that matter, relationships that are grounded in the love of Christ. 

Because they are yearning for a Savior who can free them from more than just a communist regime, but from the corruption of their own hearts and the brokenness of this world.

Because the day we {the American camp counsellors} left camp, the Ukrainian children chased our bus down the road with tears streaming down their faces, because for some of those kids, that week of camp was the best week of their life.

Because I watched the 2006 FIFA World Cup quarterfinals with over 100 kids crowded around a 10 inch box TV, filled with national pride and chanting for their country {& for Shevchenko of course}. And because when I got tired of standing like everyone else & sat on the ground, my Ukrainain co-volunteer, Daniele, went to his car, got the backseat out of the car, and brought it to me to have a chair. {In Ukraine, they believe sitting on the ground will make you sick.}

Because I was there when hearts turned to Jesus and Ukrainian lips sung the words “let everysing sat has breas praise se Lord,” because the “th” sound is really difficult for them.

Because the Ukrainian campers were thankful for the food that I heard the Americans on my team complain about every day. 

Because a 14-year old girl, Tanya, told me goodbye that first summer, and gave the sole birthday gift she had received that year, a ring from her mother, as a gift for me.

Because it is where my friends live: Ukrainians & Americans.

Because of the pastors who stood in the gap while the fighting took place in Kiev last year.

Because Veronica was told she would almost certainly die from the radioactivity of Chernobyl, and yet she lived and spent many summers sharing Christ with Ukrainians.

Because Radooga, the organization I worked with in Kiev, is passionate about orphans’ safety and salvation.

Because my friend Madison, who shared a room with me & 8 Ukrainian girls in 2006, has brothers & sisters adopted from Ukraine, and this sparked my initial passion to one day adopt, a passion I still have. And because her life now in the States with her Ukrainian husband is one where she is constantly giving of herself and loving others – opening her home to foster children and loving them as Christ loves all of us who wander this earth yearning for our true home.

And because of the countless others whose paths have crossed mine and whose lives have changed mine and others’. 

I write about Ukraine here at little seed because it is intimate to me, and although I don’t expect it to be as intimate to you, I encourage you to read the stories and pray for Ukraine. And maybe, you have your very own “Ukraine,” a place or a people group who have touched you & become dear to your heart. I encourage you today to remember them and pray for them, in poverty & in prosperity, in war & in peace… because we are all broken and needy regardless of the state of our bank account or home life or government. Because we are all Ukraine.

yikes.

Yikes. It's been three and a half months since I began my unplanned hiatus from this blog. I've been away too long, and now seems like as good a time as any to come back, as I sit in the dark in bed because I drank a latte too late in the day & Rynn is doing crazy karate moves in my belly. For starters I'll catch you up on where I've been, explain who this Rynn character is (not to be confused with Remi), and give you some of the highlights of the past few months & my excitement about things coming up in the future. 

When I first started this blog, I pondered the question, "What's a little seed?" 

{from 4/14/14}
A hope? An uncertainty?
A question that sprouts into too many answers.
An idea that takes root.
A possibility...

The best news I have to share with you is that we are now expecting our very own little seed... our own hope, uncertainty, possibility. Her name is Rynn Olivia Rogers & she's due sometime in June. We found out about her not long after my last blog post at the beginning of October, and even though she isn't here yet, the expectation & anticipation of life has changed us forever. We are terrified and feeling completely inadequate, but we are filled with joy and peace.

On December 18th we closed on our first house. After four places in four cities, from a tiny apartment to a beautiful bungalow, all rentals & ours only for a season, it feels so good to have a place we call home. We are still in Charlotte, a little further from the city but not much, and love the new place. Our weekdays & weekends are full of projects and dreaming and trips to Lowes. 

In the midst of all of this, we took an incredible trip over New Years to Key West with my family. We decided in lieu of gifts this year, we'd take a trip altogether.  In all honesty, I was sort of annoyed that my dad didn't want to leave the contiguous U.S., making the most romanticized places in my mind out of the question (Puerto Rico, Hawaii, tropical islands). I thought Key West would be just OK. I promise to never think that again. The place is amazing. We snorkeled the third largest reef in the world, swam every day in the ocean, kayaked through mangroves, and ate delicious seafood. It was so great that I didn't even mind having to pass on margaritas & mimosas. Coming back to the winter weather was rough, but here we are, finishing off January in Charlotte, which is not as bad as it seems after coming back from the Keys.

This month I started my second semester of horticulture classes at NC State University, with the goal of obtaining an undergrad certificate after 15 credit hours. The class is Home Plant Propagation, so get ready for some tips and photos of propagation structures & cuttings & {hopefully} successful endeavors on the garden front. Caleb & I are hoping to build some raised beds in the brand new {to us} backyard & laying some soil heating coils in at least one of them to start seeds outdoors early. C is also planning to make me a compost bin that should look something like this when completed:

{The three compartments allow storage of compost at its different stages, making usable compost accessible and allowing the piles to be turned more frequently & more easily.}

I'm thankful that my pregnancy has been never-terrible, with only minor nausea in the first trimester. I have energy {for the most part} and have still been exercising, mostly doing yoga or the elliptical and I've taken up swimming at the Aquatics Center in Uptown Charlotte. Although I can hardly believe I'm going to just keep getting bigger, I'm so thankful for Rynn's growth & healthy development. I hope as she continues to grow, that I will too - in my preparation for being a mother, my discipline in my studies, my devotion as a wife, and even the small things like my knowledge of plants & my endurance in the pool. Oh, and... in keeping up with this blog;)

I am excited for the season that is coming, but for now, I am content in the season that is today. We have so much to be thankful for, and I'm praying to grasp that daily and live out of that gratitude.

you're not a squirrel.

When did we decide {especially those of us who live in the mild temps of the southeastern United States} that winter was a time to simply exist {except of course on Christmas when we're merry and bright}? Sure the colder temps make me want to stay in bed a little longer in the mornings, and the darker nights make me want to curl up at home instead of spending the evening out & about, but winter time has a lot to offer us, especially in the garden.

You're not a squirrel. Have you seen any of the 15 Ice Age movies? If so, you know where I'm going with this. That raggedy squirrel is always trying to protect his acorn and store it away so that when the cold weather hits, he's got food to munch on. And don't we do our fair share of "squirrel-ing" away for winter too?

We pickle veggies. We make jams. We blanch & de-seed those excess tomatoes and freeze them for a winter sauce. We store up for winter.

But unlike the squirrel, these aren't our only options. We can plant for the winter.

As you've probably figured out from reading my blog, I love greens, especially kale and spinach. They are jam-packed with nutrition and so versatile in the kitchen. But in the warmer summer temperatures, kale can attract unwanted insects and spinach will wither in the heat. These guys, and many other delicious, healthy cold-hardy veggies, produce well in the winter. Other popular cool-weather crops are: broccoli, Brussels sprouts, lettuce, carrots, & cauliflower.

Fall is the time to plant so that you can harvest these crops in the winter. Mix a little freshness in with the pickles & jams this season!

{CHARLOTTE RESIDENTS: Now is also a good time to start thinking about banding your trees for the Spring cankerworms. Help protect Charlotte's beautiful trees & foliage by banding this Winter. Shout out to Renfrow's Hardware in Matthews. They are not only the best damn place to buy seeds in the greater Charlotte area, but they also carry all the supplies you need for banding. Read more about Charlotte's Cankerworm problem here.}

TIPS FOR GETTING STARTED:

Look into your Plant Hardiness zone when determining when & what to plant in your garden, particularly a Fall garden. You can get a ton of details from the USDA Plant Hardiness Zone Map. Many seed packets will reference zones, so it's important to know your zone!

North & South Carolinians: I of course am partial to Clemson & NC State when it comes to tips on horticulture & agriculture. They have great resources for planting in the Carolinas. Here are a few: NC State Horticulture: Growing a Fall Vegetable Garden, Clemson Co-op Extension: Vegetable Gardening